THE SPACE BETWEEN

We are placed here either by divine will, chemical chance or some yet unknown event. In any case we are here, now, in this moment. We set about living in hopes we are doing the right things for ourselves. As time passes we understand that the things of the past are gone and we cannot get them back. Opportunities are lost, abilities are not realized, and now we see what could have been. What should have been. In our youth we saw only potential. ‘I’m going to be…’, ‘I want to do…’ it was all in the future. It was a future we knew was approaching, but seemed so far away as if it would never come. It came, and it went. Like a speeding car passing a hitchhiker, our lives approached the ‘Now’, and in an instant, passed it by with barely a notice. The pendulum swung, and now it is up hill all the way. What we accumulated during our youth is to be spent supporting the adult. All our gifts, our talents have been utilized to infuse this ‘adult’ life into a position of suspension and acceptance. Most of us did not realize our dreams, but settled for that which gave us support and comfort. A life that allowed us to keep our dignity, but settle for less.
Now that we know we missed our marks in life, and that we will never become any of the things we dreamed of becoming, how do we reconcile with our future? The future is still streaming through us in every moment. Could it be that our goals were the cause of these short comings? Were the dreams too grandiose? Were they beyond the scope of our breeding and station in life? Were they merely fantasies with no foundation of reality? Or, is the foundation of what we think we are the fantasy.
We live our lives in expectation of guidance. Someone will instruct us. They did. They instructed you not to accept yourself as you are. They instructed you to consider yourself not to be pure, good, or good enough. They infected you with a virus so deadly that without a cure you would be doomed to eternal suffering. The very ones who infected you, now offer ‘their’ vaccine to cure you. The vaccine can only be purchased if you were willing to confess your wretchedness and imperfections and accept another as your master. Only by accepting the master can you be cured from the eternal agony of the virus. Acceptance of the master is the only requirement for salvation.
Why is the first commandment that we should love God and worship him? Exodus 20:5 ‘Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation for them that hate me.’
How can God be jealous? Who would God be jealous of? Why does he seem to need our support so much? Why is he worried we will not love him? He promises to punish our third and forth generations for hating him. Generations that were not even born during the offensive hating.
Expectation of guidance.